We are one week away from the dramatic finale for this season of The Bachelorette! This, of course, means that the episode showed this week was the infamous “tell all” when every guy who was eliminated comes back in order to dish out secrets and start fights. In reality though, this reunion session was mostly lackluster and not as dramatic as I was hoping. So this week’s column will be a short overview of the notable events that did occur.
— They brought Ryan back, the super drunk dude on the first night that Kaitlyn sent home before the first rose ceremony even started. He didn’t even say anything the entire show. I fully believe the sole reason they had him come was so they could show the embarrassing montage they had made of all his drunken mishaps. I’m glad they did because it was absolutely hilarious. I would watch an entire show where the only premise was Ryan getting drunk and doing stupid things.
— Tanner is the coolest, forgettable dude ever. He kept it real and made some very good points when he decided to talk. I think the producers should cast him for every season of The Bachelorette with the only requirement being that he makes it to the last 8 but no farther. I would love to hear his apathetic yet wise thoughts every year.
— Corey, the 50 year old man, talked way too much for someone who wasn’t on the show for very long. No one at all cared what he was saying. I wish the producers would place limits on how much certain guys can talk because seriously, Tony the Healer got 0 lines while Corey had at least five minutes to himself.
— Ian is really one of the biggest douches on the planet. His “apology” was him getting down on his knees (who does that to apologize) and giving a monologue about how he messed up. I didn’t buy a single word of it. He just seemed insincere and and phony. Ian was probably trying to improve his stock since he mentioned that he should be the next bachelor, but I doubt that will ever happen because what woman would want to sign up after watching him this season?
— JJ is TV gold. If The Bachelor was aiming for pure entertainment factor, they would choose JJ for next season. Ear Hair said that JJ is kind of like fine wine; at first you don’t really have a taste for it but then you end up loving it. That accurately describes my relationship with JJ. When the season first started, I thought he was a huge jerk and I couldn’t stand him. As time went on though, I actually grew to like JJ and I realized that he was hilarious. With him being casted for Bachelor in Paradise, that show turned into must-watch TV.
— Benza will have no problem finding love because I am 100% sure he could have had any woman that was in the crowd during the filming. That is how much love they showed him when he had his time to talk. So shoutout to Benza for being a legitimately good guy.
— All of the guys teamed up and slandered Nick. It was a beautiful thing to watch. No lie, last night I had a dream that I was watching the finale of The Bachelorette with Nick and Shawn facing off. In it, Nick was the clear favorite with Kaitlyn hanging all over him in the ocean while Shawn was screaming in the waves wondering why he wasn’t good enough. It was honestly the worst nightmare I have ever experienced.
— Ben H. showed why he was eliminated from the show: he was too good for Kaitlyn. He truly is the most eligible bachelor in America after this show and it appears that the producers have realized this as it is very likely that he will be the star on next season of The Bachelor. I look forward to watching his journey on TV and I really hope he finds someone good. Either that or watch everything go up in flames because that’s usually more entertaining.
— Kaitlyn apparently has gotten a lot of hate from fans during the season. The tweets that were read during the show were awful and I felt very bad for her that she had to go through that. She has been fairly controversial during the season as some people question her decision making. But if we’re being realistic, would anyone truly make all good decisions if they were dating 25 people at once? That is a ridiculous situation that no one faces in real life. Kaitlyn has a fun personality and seems like she is a pretty good person in general so hopefully she will be happy with whoever she chooses (as long as it’s not Nick).
Wrap up: Tune in next week for the exciting finale!
Image from Hollywood Life