Billionaires, A Banana Boat and Blake Being Blake

The sports world is too much sometimes. Lockouts, conferences, legal battles and the like transform off-seasons into a production in themselves. Unrelenting waves of statistics and analysis gives me flashbacks of high school algebra and a serious migraine. Technology pitches so much more than the world really needs. Sometimes, we need some good ol’ tom-foolery.

Deandre did it right.

Before I continue, let me review for everyone playing at home. Last week, potential all-star center and dunking extraordinaire Deandre Jordan turned his back on the LA Clippers and verbally (read “jokingly”) accepted an offer to play with the Dallas Mavericks. On Monday, he called slam-brother Blake Griffin and seemingly former coach Doc Rivers to express doubt. LA took this cue to assemble and spend Wednesday charging to Jordan’s Houston home. It didn’t take long for the Mavs to get suspicious and make their own run, sparking a virtual storm of hilariousness that would continue into the night. Coaches, agents, players, GMs- nearly everyone the two teams employ- were on the road. Well, they were all on something.

While we all expected Parsons and Reddick to be average, credit must be given for starting it all. Blake stepped it up a notch, and while we assume a helicopter was not involved, we do know Chris Paul wasn’t lying… Banana Boat Pic Splashnewsonline.comNothing to see here, just 3 dudes and a wife riding a banana. Move along. Whether or not Paul Pierce knows clip-art is not emoji, we can all agree this gets an A+ and is awarded 100 internet points. The Clippers squad arrived first and the rest fell into place exactly how you would expect. Video games were played, mom brought pizza rolls, and furniture was strategically placed in order to keep the bad guys out. Literally. Mark Cuban couldn’t get DJ to answer his phone to stop his nightmare and couldn’t enter the house thanks to a timeless childhood tactic.

Yep. Tech-genious Mark Cuban lost to a chair. Fantastic, right?

Shenanigans ensued all the way until Deandre signed on the Clipper’s dotted line once more, tying a bow on what may be the greatest free agency steal the NBA has ever seen. No agents were needed. Stats were never a factor. One of the richest men in sports got beat by Blake Griffin’s physics/architecture. The beauty of sports was out in full force this week, and whoever thinks this is all childish or “bad for the game” needs to take a pivotal lesson from Mr. Jordan’s wisdom.

“Step back, spend time with friends, and eat a pizza roll. Even with an 80 million dollar contract in the balance, your problems will be solved with pizza rolls.” *

* Paraphrasing may be included

Photo Cred: Eric Gay/Associated Press

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